Monday, March 24, 2008

Old letters from my highschool to my father

Just went through some old papers and found these letters. They're in Dutch and I suck at translation. Hope you'll enjoy them as much as I did.

Culemborg, 19 october 1984
Dear mr. Bulb sr.,
The school's skiing camp comittee, has recently had a meeting in which it has been decided to ask you urgently to retract your sons application for the skiing camp.
After a long and hard deliberation we have come to this painful conclusion.
The first and foremost goal of all our schoolcamps is:
Doing it together.
To be able to positively and actively make an effort to increase the atmosphere of the group. We are of the opinion , due to our experiences with previous camps that your son has taken part in, that your son does not have this attitude.
If so desired we will be happy to explain our descision to you verbally.
Some asshole that wasn't passionate about teaching.
Here's another one. (I have no idea what this one is about.):
Culemborg, 31 may 1985
Dear mr. Bulb sr.,
When a student is not admitted in class anymore with teacher A. , due to disruptive behavior, it doesn't seem to be a reason to disbar him from any other class. In your letter you seem to do so where it concerns the 5th grade school excursion.
Because Bulb has been barred from participating in our skiing camp, sailing camp and the classes of mr. A., it follows that he is disbarred from participating in the 5th grade school excursion. (You even use the words "unwelcome" in your letter.)
Of course Bulb is a full and worthy student just like all our students and he is welcome to join any other extra-curricular activities. I do hope that the punishment we have meeted out in the past will not affect him in the future and we hope you will reconsider your opnion of our school.
Some other asshole that didn't get laid enough.
Was I really that bad??? I can hardly imagine. I'm a sweet guy.

Friday, March 14, 2008

I didn't write this. (But I should have.)

What you are seeking so relentlessly is nothing that comes from
outside of you, it's something you already have.

There is only you. You have only you to rely on. You have only
you that you can count on. And what better to work on than yourself?
But you have to believe that you deserve it.

People don’t necessarily get what they want. People don’t
necessarily get what they need. Instead, people get what they
honestly and truly believe that they deserve. In other words, people
get what they expect to get.

The key to having what you want is not getting what you want, but
being the person for whom getting what you want is a mere byproduct
of the reality you create simply by the way you live life.
It builds a foundation of belief that is very real and a relationship
with reality that is very empowering.

Get Real. Get in touch with reality. Respect reality.

Get self validated. Believe in yourself, based entirely on what you
think of yourself, not on what others think of you.

Self esteem is what you think of yourself. Ego is what you think
other people think of you. To base your self image on what others
think of you is to lack self esteem.

Be A Man. Stand up tall. Tell the truth. Live a life of integrity.
Assume responsibility for your own thoughts and actions.

And always, respect. Command respect. Demand respect. Treat
others with respect. Associate only with those who treat you with
respect. Be assertive when need be. It all begins with self respect.
Self respect above everything else.

What does it mean to command respect? It means that other people
do not dare violate you. Other people hold you in esteem. Other
people take what you say seriously. But nobody is going to have
respect for you unless you respect yourself.

What does it mean to have self respect? It means that you do not
do anything that would violate your own morals and beliefs, meaning
you never compromise yourself. It means that you never lie to
yourself, you are never in self denial, you are always brutally honest
with yourself. It means you have respect for others; only a person
who holds themselves in esteem is capable of holding another in

When all of the above is true for you, you have everything it takes,
and all that it takes, to obtain and enjoy the aspects of life that are so
important to you.

No idea who wrote this.

Monday, March 10, 2008

Why I'm not blogging

I've been blogging a lot lately. Just haven't published any of it. It's not that it's not good stuff. It's great stuff. But it's the kind of stuff that makes you look really serious, put a finger to your cheeck and say: "Mmmmm, he really has a point there.", or worse: "mmmmm, I know there's a lesson in here somewhere. If only I could figure out what the fuck he is going on about."

The problem is, I set out to write a nice post about not having chewed pussy this week and I end up with something called: "Context and it's impact on behavior."
Think that one is bad? Try this one:

"How to love and get away with it."

"Passion, the definition of joy"

(and why you are doing it wrong)

"Inner freedom" (and why you'll never have any)

"Gratitude, love or compassion. Who'd win the race?"

"27 Different kinds of snow"

"I love you and it scares me."
(I know about 7 chicks that upon reading this will jump up and down and go (use silly female voice): "I just know it's about me.") (It's not.) (It's about me.)(Isn't it always?)

"Getting drunk on holy water" (And mooning my neighbour while I'm at it.)

I suck.

So to make it all up to you guys:

Thursday, January 31, 2008

Star Trek Complex

So like the starship Enterprise was flying along and then this bigass cloud of toxic extrastellar crap from outer space suddenly pops out of nowhere and they fly right in it. So all the crewmembers they get covered in this really yuckey brown stinky stuff and walk around like zombies for a while. So one of them transforms in Captain Picards father and then the other one in his mother and they all start transforming into these guys that Picard knows. So Picard is going really crazy because now nobody is doing his job and they all give him a hard time. His father keeps grabbing the helm and his mother keeps telling him to do stuff. And everybody is screaming at everybody and they won't listen to him and he's really unhappy about it.
So this whole episode he's running around talking to people from his past and working out issues he had with them. And he tries to work out the differences between them.
So in this one scene there's this klingon ship and his father grabs the helm and runs, and Picards doesn't realise that his father is doing that so he gets really pissed at him and they have to talk and Picard says that his father was always running. And in this other scene he's sitting at the helm and his mother is screaming at him that he's no good and you can see from his face that he's not happy about it and feels like shit but he doesn't know what to say to make her shut up.
So then he realises he will have to fly with this crew and he starts doig his captain shit and gets really really Picard-like. You know.... Picard... great captain.... empathic.... great leader... talks to his crew... values them as persons.... but never loses sight of his mission. So he does that and then everybody he talks to slowly turns back into himself as he talks with them.

The end.

This chick I work with asked me to explain what "complexes" are exactly. Which really sucked because now I had to actually take a couple of hours and think it over before replying. You can't just tell her:
"A complex is a group of partially or totally unconscious psychic content (representations, memories, fantasies, affects, and so on), which constitutes a more or less organized whole, such that the activation of one of its components leads to the activation of others."
That means absolutely nothing.

Wednesday, December 26, 2007

..... continued

The most common complaint people have nowadays is that they have absolutely no clue as to what they want. No clue as to what it is they are craving for. No clue as to where it is they want to go.
You have the luxury in this day and culture to be able to fulfill almost all your cravings and desires. To become whatever you wish to become. Hell, you can even change your gender, there is no limit to your possibilities and choices. And yet, the more choices you have, the less you seem to be able to decide where to go, and what to be.
I believe that deep down inside you know damn well and fully what it is that you want. I believe you have a driving force that pushes you to that place where you know you must go. That place in life where you really want to go. I believe this force pushes you to the place where your life reflects the glory of the person that you are, to the fullest. That place where you can look at your life and say with pride and full acceptance: “Yes. This is me.” The place where your life becomes a mirror of your divine origins.
The Christians call it Gods plan, the Buddhists Satori. I expect the Hindu’s have a name for it, but was never able to find it.
Problem is, we seem to fight that force every step of the way.
Remember when you were a child and jumped out of bed enthusiastically every day, ready for new and exciting adventures? Remember that time when every choice that you made was made with full certainty and clarity because you knew exactly what it was you wanted? Remember when even the most boring of chores would become a game because you were able to engage your imagination? Remember when you were willing to fall out of trees, jump into rivers and fight to get what you wanted?
And then life smashes an iron fist in your face. Parents shame you. Friends hurt you. Lovers cheat on you and leave you. Those you trust humiliate you. And in myriad way we hear the same message over and over again: “You are not allowed to express who you are.” You are not allowed to sing your joy in class. You are not allowed to be an artist. You can’t be a warrior, you should become an accountant. You should sit still. You should try to be more sexy. You should be more spontaneous.
So you wrap your desires in a blanket of shame and fear and hide them in the dark recesses of your mind. For a lifetime they can sit there waiting, ticking like a bomb, prodding you on with panic attacks and depressions. Meanwhile you are busy convincing everybody and mostly yourself that you desire those things others expect you to desire.. You become a pleaser to everyone but yourself. Sons spend a lifetime trying to be an asshole just to please a dead fathers weird ideas about masculinity. Daughters spend a lifetime being a loser to please a mothers wounded self-esteem.

What you want and where you want to go, is who you are. It is your very soul. It is the key that unlocks the kingdom of heavens. Maybe it is time to stop hiding who you are and unleash the furious glory of your divine nature upon an unsuspecting world.

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

To be a slave of intensity

To be a slave of intensity

Friend, hope for the Guest while you are alive,

Jump into experience while you are alive!

Think……. And Think ………. And think …….. while you are alive

What you call “salvation” belongs to the time before death.

If you don’t break your ropes while you are alive,

Do you think

Ghosts will do it after?

The idea that the soul will join with the ecstatic

Just because the body is rotten –

That is all fantasy

What is found now is found then.

If you find nothing now, you will simply end up with an apartment in the City of Death

(with Ikea furniture)

If you make love with the divine now, in the next life you will have the face of satisfied desire.

So plunge into the truth, find out who the Teacher is,

Believe in the Great Sound!

I say this: When the Guest is being searched for, it is the intensity of the longing for the Guest that does all the work.

Look at me, and you will see a slave of that intensity.

(Kabir, translated by Robert Bly)

Saturday, September 08, 2007

Smoking is gay!

This is what it sez on my packet:

This unique lid lock pack feels bigger in your hand.
Your fingers and lips experience a thicker cigarette.
He is also shorter, but contains more tobacco than a normal cigarette.
This cigarette is especially made to be smoked slowly so you can enjoy it's taste longer.
Marlboro Wides, for a new and longer taste-sensation.